July 28th, 2007

Too much places need to be creative, too little inspiration.
I breathe, but I don't really breathe.
I smile, but I don't really care.
Too much history need to be erased, too weak the strength.
I cage myself in this modern jungle to accept the punishment.
There is one light, very little hope, I could beg.
Someday, maybe just some moment, I could escape Its clutches.

From now on, I will wait and see the jungle growing.
I will live 'till I stop
I will grape the light, if I survive.
I will try to be honest to myself, try to accept myself.
This waiting should lead me to be myself truly.




Categories:reflection

Never thought of that

It was filled with anger, doubt and prejudgement when looking back the mails we had. After jumping out of the box, I can't believe how carelessly we hurt each other. Maybe we had already known it was going to end badly. I've never hated you in the first place, though I should have. I know it helps me grow up when I realize how cruel the fact was.

That's why I didn't delete either of you. Everytime I saw you both online, it kept reminding me not to do the same thing again. I have faith that I would become a better person because of this kind of crap. And I am going to handle it one by one until I succeed or break down.

I guess I would never contact with you, telling you how bad this man was. And I wonder you might already know. You are a decent girl, I am sure you deserve a better man. He is not man enough for me, neither are you. How he left me will be just like the same as how he would leave you. You and I are not too much different. Maybe you haven't met a really good man in your life yet, however, don't try eagerly to grab anything randomly. He won't rescue you.

My position would never be good enough to advise you. You got to figure it out yourself. Please do so, for your own sake. And about him, I know he would be alone for the rest of his life.

No, it's not a curse, it's a bless, for everyone...

Super Looow Compatibility

天啊...你整個不適合我... 呀~~~就顯而易見的不是我 的型啊~~~~~~

快去追你的年輕 美眉吧...我又老又醜...

Your appearence standard is too killing high, I can't reach la...

Too much pressure makes me weak. It is eating away my proud and dignity.

Please move away my Venus, bring back my Saturn.

For you

After being excruciatingly heartbroken, you could love a person.
After being completely bankrupt, you could become rich.
After being deeply disrespected, you could be an honor.
After pitch dark night, there would always be dazzling sunshine.

For you, and also for me.

The unbearable apart

I found I couldn't bear thinking your leaving. When you told me you would go to US to join your boyfriend, I didn't have big reaction. Somehow we seemed like avoiding thinking negatively. But when I looked at the photos that we went for skating, I can't help weeping. At work, we are such good partners. You always know what happened to me when I turned over and looked at you. There are such a joy that we shared everything. We laughed together. It was a big support for me from being so busy and stressed at work. You know my pain, my weakness and my dislike. Only need one look do you know what I wanted to say.

I believe you will get happiness, because you are such a wonderful person. I'll miss your elegant, considerate, bright and funny personality. I'll miss the days we lunched, shared works, updated our relationship crap status together, and simply just seeing you around made me feel safe. I really hope you enjoy your rejoining with bf, and live happily ever after. I know you hate studying, but please do so for your independence and get a better job in US. If things go nasty, and you couldn't go back to your mom either, I am always here for you. This is the permanent place you could stay.

I can't help feeling sad, but I shouldn't be. You have bright future waiting for you, and you deserve it.

Let it go

Today was the first day I dared to open my photo album and brought back the memory I've had from my last relationship. Sometimes you just wish everything could have gone better. Some moment you just pray you could have seized them as much as you could. This is the first time I finally admitted it was gone. It is also the first time I stopped to wish or pray for the impossible dream. Nothing could change if the mind refused to change. And I guess I am lucky to have a mind which is more self defensive and help me recover more quickly, even I know been hurt so deeply and so many times.

12/26 The Cattle turn over

 

本來約好的一個外國朋友,新年不來台灣了.因為她怕地震.當我跟她說台灣發生地震的時候,她問我說"那我要去嗎? 好可怕喔",其實我一直也沒想到她會因為這樣而不來.

可能因為生長在台灣已經習慣了吧.覺得因為地震更改行程是一件還蠻荒謬的事情,而且這一次並不像九二一一樣嚴重,基本上台北沒有受到很大的影響.

當她問我的時候,心裡的os是: 阿這樣就嚇到了..台灣人都是被嚇大的嗎?你這樣有點反應過度了吧..你這樣講,台灣人都應該全部移民囉?

當然我沒有說出口啦..只是..心裡覺得台灣人很可憐.不過比起有海嘯的國家,似乎有好一點,不過我們也有颱風啊...還有媒體污染,不相上下囉...

 

後來想一想,有一點原諒她了,畢竟生長環境的不同,她又是個很謹慎的人,在愛爾蘭百年來也只發生過一次地震.說不定她如果真實看到現在台灣平安無事的情形,

就不會這麼擔心了.

 

也許如果是我聽到大風雪的事,也會嚇得屁滾尿流也說不定.好像颶風也還蠻慘的...牛在飛....

 

(昨天看了地震那時的星盤,水星跟冥王手牽手ㄝ....是巧合?!? communication disconnection, traffic choas, internet down, mass destruction, reconstruction)

Damn...missing cell phone

My cell phone is missing. I felt totally alienated.

Yesterday I went to Carnegie's and I was so "generous" putting my cell phone on the table alone. Then I went dancing with others, completely forgot protecting my cell phone from some deceitful people. My cell phone was calling for help and I didn't even notice.

Well, from the bright side, now I can completely dump some phone numbers that I think I would never used again. Althought I really wish I could keep the texts yesterday, particularly those texts in the pub, I realize it was a good chance I should entirely refresh my contact book. It gives me a feeling that now I only have some numbers from people I really need to contact. I would never dialed those who I didn't want to contact by accident. And moreover, it prevents me from calling some people I was hesitating to call. How simple it be.

If God mercy, please let the thief text me the messages people left for me yesterday. I would pay anything to get those back. Those are extremely important to me. I guess this incident symbolized something I need to be awared of. Something I should let go weeks ago. Maybe months ago. Anyway, if god mercy...

Folks, call my old phone number, it still works.

Sep 10, 2006 PM11:23

I hope in the future when I am frustrated on tiny little things in life, I could remember this moment that God was actually doing his job to make me happy. It was not only a moment that I met Westlife, also a moment when I believe there is still some mircles and super luck on earth.

Meeting Westlife has somehow changed my point of view about some strugglings in my life.And most fascinating thing is you would never known whom you would bump into tomorrow.It could be millonaire stars sitting and eating next to you, just like everyone else.

Mark & Tina 

signature from westlife 




Categories: Encounter
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Westlife

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The Funeral

This is the ending of the end. Seven days, and the mourning shall be over now.
The man I adored has been gone away. I tried to find him, but a different person picked up the phone and told me he was not there anymore.


He is gone, he disappeared.

There was a man who made me feel like a princess. He is gone. And he would never come back again.

Hope he found a better place to stay, better people to meet.
When chaos comes, I hope he could find his peace.When choices come, I hope he could know what he wanted.

The mourning is finished, and I shall get rest. My black shirt could be taken off, and tears should be wiped off. I close the coffin, and so does my heart. After I walk out the church, I shall fear no more, I shall hate no more.

Farewell,
my Bear.




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