Never thought of that

It was filled with anger, doubt and prejudgement when looking back the mails we had. After jumping out of the box, I can't believe how carelessly we hurt each other. Maybe we had already known it was going to end badly. I've never hated you in the first place, though I should have. I know it helps me grow up when I realize how cruel the fact was.

That's why I didn't delete either of you. Everytime I saw you both online, it kept reminding me not to do the same thing again. I have faith that I would become a better person because of this kind of crap. And I am going to handle it one by one until I succeed or break down.

I guess I would never contact with you, telling you how bad this man was. And I wonder you might already know. You are a decent girl, I am sure you deserve a better man. He is not man enough for me, neither are you. How he left me will be just like the same as how he would leave you. You and I are not too much different. Maybe you haven't met a really good man in your life yet, however, don't try eagerly to grab anything randomly. He won't rescue you.

My position would never be good enough to advise you. You got to figure it out yourself. Please do so, for your own sake. And about him, I know he would be alone for the rest of his life.

No, it's not a curse, it's a bless, for everyone...

Super Looow Compatibility

天啊...你整個不適合我... 呀~~~就顯而易見的不是我 的型啊~~~~~~

快去追你的年輕 美眉吧...我又老又醜...

Your appearence standard is too killing high, I can't reach la...

Too much pressure makes me weak. It is eating away my proud and dignity.

Please move away my Venus, bring back my Saturn.

For you

After being excruciatingly heartbroken, you could love a person.
After being completely bankrupt, you could become rich.
After being deeply disrespected, you could be an honor.
After pitch dark night, there would always be dazzling sunshine.

For you, and also for me.

The unbearable apart

I found I couldn't bear thinking your leaving. When you told me you would go to US to join your boyfriend, I didn't have big reaction. Somehow we seemed like avoiding thinking negatively. But when I looked at the photos that we went for skating, I can't help weeping. At work, we are such good partners. You always know what happened to me when I turned over and looked at you. There are such a joy that we shared everything. We laughed together. It was a big support for me from being so busy and stressed at work. You know my pain, my weakness and my dislike. Only need one look do you know what I wanted to say.

I believe you will get happiness, because you are such a wonderful person. I'll miss your elegant, considerate, bright and funny personality. I'll miss the days we lunched, shared works, updated our relationship crap status together, and simply just seeing you around made me feel safe. I really hope you enjoy your rejoining with bf, and live happily ever after. I know you hate studying, but please do so for your independence and get a better job in US. If things go nasty, and you couldn't go back to your mom either, I am always here for you. This is the permanent place you could stay.

I can't help feeling sad, but I shouldn't be. You have bright future waiting for you, and you deserve it.

Let it go

Today was the first day I dared to open my photo album and brought back the memory I've had from my last relationship. Sometimes you just wish everything could have gone better. Some moment you just pray you could have seized them as much as you could. This is the first time I finally admitted it was gone. It is also the first time I stopped to wish or pray for the impossible dream. Nothing could change if the mind refused to change. And I guess I am lucky to have a mind which is more self defensive and help me recover more quickly, even I know been hurt so deeply and so many times.

12/26 The Cattle turn over

 

本來約好的一個外國朋友,新年不來台灣了.因為她怕地震.當我跟她說台灣發生地震的時候,她問我說"那我要去嗎? 好可怕喔",其實我一直也沒想到她會因為這樣而不來.

可能因為生長在台灣已經習慣了吧.覺得因為地震更改行程是一件還蠻荒謬的事情,而且這一次並不像九二一一樣嚴重,基本上台北沒有受到很大的影響.

當她問我的時候,心裡的os是: 阿這樣就嚇到了..台灣人都是被嚇大的嗎?你這樣有點反應過度了吧..你這樣講,台灣人都應該全部移民囉?

當然我沒有說出口啦..只是..心裡覺得台灣人很可憐.不過比起有海嘯的國家,似乎有好一點,不過我們也有颱風啊...還有媒體污染,不相上下囉...

 

後來想一想,有一點原諒她了,畢竟生長環境的不同,她又是個很謹慎的人,在愛爾蘭百年來也只發生過一次地震.說不定她如果真實看到現在台灣平安無事的情形,

就不會這麼擔心了.

 

也許如果是我聽到大風雪的事,也會嚇得屁滾尿流也說不定.好像颶風也還蠻慘的...牛在飛....

 

(昨天看了地震那時的星盤,水星跟冥王手牽手ㄝ....是巧合?!? communication disconnection, traffic choas, internet down, mass destruction, reconstruction)

Damn...missing cell phone

My cell phone is missing. I felt totally alienated.

Yesterday I went to Carnegie's and I was so "generous" putting my cell phone on the table alone. Then I went dancing with others, completely forgot protecting my cell phone from some deceitful people. My cell phone was calling for help and I didn't even notice.

Well, from the bright side, now I can completely dump some phone numbers that I think I would never used again. Althought I really wish I could keep the texts yesterday, particularly those texts in the pub, I realize it was a good chance I should entirely refresh my contact book. It gives me a feeling that now I only have some numbers from people I really need to contact. I would never dialed those who I didn't want to contact by accident. And moreover, it prevents me from calling some people I was hesitating to call. How simple it be.

If God mercy, please let the thief text me the messages people left for me yesterday. I would pay anything to get those back. Those are extremely important to me. I guess this incident symbolized something I need to be awared of. Something I should let go weeks ago. Maybe months ago. Anyway, if god mercy...

Folks, call my old phone number, it still works.

Sep 10, 2006 PM11:23

I hope in the future when I am frustrated on tiny little things in life, I could remember this moment that God was actually doing his job to make me happy. It was not only a moment that I met Westlife, also a moment when I believe there is still some mircles and super luck on earth.

Meeting Westlife has somehow changed my point of view about some strugglings in my life.And most fascinating thing is you would never known whom you would bump into tomorrow.It could be millonaire stars sitting and eating next to you, just like everyone else.

Mark & Tina 

signature from westlife 




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The Funeral

This is the ending of the end. Seven days, and the mourning shall be over now.
The man I adored has been gone away. I tried to find him, but a different person picked up the phone and told me he was not there anymore.


He is gone, he disappeared.

There was a man who made me feel like a princess. He is gone. And he would never come back again.

Hope he found a better place to stay, better people to meet.
When chaos comes, I hope he could find his peace.When choices come, I hope he could know what he wanted.

The mourning is finished, and I shall get rest. My black shirt could be taken off, and tears should be wiped off. I close the coffin, and so does my heart. After I walk out the church, I shall fear no more, I shall hate no more.

Farewell,
my Bear.




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東北角熱昏了之旅

上個禮拜六日跟以前吉他社的老人共五隻一起去東北角二日遊，簡直就是熱昏了…=.=

星期六下午從板橋出發，一路開往九份，沿路風景優美，看到藍藍的海，心胸就變得開闊。司機建議停靠”必殺”魚港，一問才知道是”碧沙”…一下車過於熱情的海產店老板就來介紹，而且是過了馬路來叫住我們去消費，真是….很奇怪。後來繞了一圈還是決定到第一家叫”黃金海岸”的店去吃，吃海產的價位都是兩三百，這家店也不例外，而且不是很好吃，飛魚卵咬起來像口香糖…



稍做休息之後就往九份出發，彎彎曲曲的山路讓我心神不寧，一付要暈車的感覺，尤其是上去的山路，配上大家恐怖的歌聲，實在是有點難受。幸運的是這段山路不長，一下子就到我們的住宿地點-茶壺山。這個民宿座落在眾多好兄弟保護的山腰上，地靈人傑，空氣新鮮，環境悠閒，真是個很好過夜的地方。因為本來有一團高雄進香團突然取消訂房，整個民宿像被我們包了下來，享受貴族般的待遇，門前還有一隻叫大頭的拉拉迎接我們，十分愜意。

雖然我的床面對窗戶，外面就是一整片的好兄弟住宅區，不過我不介意，畢竟還有四個壯漢保護。大家把行李放好之後，就往老街前進。大家都買了一些吃的，喝的，我多買了一條幸運草項鍊給自己，就算是這趟旅程的紀念。帶著一些消夜，大家回到民宿泡茶聊天看電視。直到半夜，只剩下我跟其他兩個在看足球賽，不過因為德對葡的上半場實在太無聊了，我看著看著就睡著了。

一大早就被司機先生吵醒，沒想到最累的人最早醒，還一直抱怨昨天我看足球叫的太大聲…嗯…我只能說球賽太無聊，叫一叫增加氣氛。吃完老闆娘準備的早餐後，大家就收拾行李往淡水前進。在途中停靠了和平島一下，實在沒什麼東西還是要收費60塊…大家在豔陽天下行走，每個人都快變成人乾了…沒想到照了許多不錯的相片，也算值得。和平島不是島嶼，是像野柳的風景區，有很多人都下去玩水抓魚，本來也想下去，不過想到起來會黏黏的就放棄下水了。

可能是天氣真的太熱了，移往下一站野柳時，正值中午，大家沒有一個人想下車，拖著疲憊的身體，在便利商店稍做休息之後，就開往淡水了。淡水還是一樣超多人，既然大家都喜歡吃海鮮，到淡水也免不了再吃一次，這次的餐廳比較好一點，食材也比較新鮮，大家飽餐一頓後，悠閒地逛逛淡水老街，似乎大家都累到一個極限，一路上沒什麼精神，直到逛完大家也很快地回到停車場。跟大家說byebye之後我就往捷運站出發，而他們也開往回新竹的方向了。

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